he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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