i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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