I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
