We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and she was petting her beer can
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
