I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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