i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
