I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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