Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize