Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
