What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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