i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
