I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
