I'm going to jail i love you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
