I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
