I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
