he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize