Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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