I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
