I puked a lego.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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