There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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