Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
