She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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