ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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