ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic