We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.