So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.