and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.