I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.