Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.