Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.