Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize