is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
