exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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