He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
