I'm so fucking centered right now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
