she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
