I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i will never coherently bang her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
