I wish my penis had an off switch
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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