you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
