I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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