her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
