I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
