I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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