It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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