dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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