My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
