yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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