he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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