i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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