I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
