no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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