Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
