If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
