god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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