I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't notice because vodka
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
