didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.