doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
