I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!