Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.