I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
