I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
