And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
