Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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