She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
