what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
