There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
