Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
