I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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