just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
