Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
